Welcome to Sex and the River City: your progressive, sex-positive sex and love advice column.
Now, more than ever, we need to make pleasure a priority.
Sexual health is important for both your mental and physical well-being. Self-love is good self-care. When you’re drained after a long day of doxxing white supremacists and punching Nazis, take some time to ground yourself and reconnect with your body. Reclaiming your right to pleasure literally puts your happiness in your own hands.
Pleasure and sexual freedom is a human right for all people–regardless of age, gender, sexual orientation or ability. I claim that right with one of the most accessible sex toys around: the Hitachi Magic Wand.
We all want to experience an orgasm that shakes the ground, sends electricity through our whole body and makes our toes go numb, right?
There’s only one tool that I know will send you to O-town riding on the vibrations of the gods–the Hitachi Magic Wand. Whether you’re tying the Magic Wand to a person’s leg and targeting it at their genitals for a “forced orgasm” BDSM scene or exploring with a partner that isn’t into penetration but wants to try external stimulation, this is the tool for the job.
I don’t want this to sound like a paid ad, but I’m just a Hitachi evangelical. I worship at the temple of electric clitoral stimulation, but I’m in no way affiliated with the brand. Doxy US makes a great wand, and Sola even has a waterproof personal massager. You can hit up their websites for discreet purchasing, or you can hold the toys in your hands at Autonomous Love on J Street or Kiss N Tell on Arden Way.
The “personal massager” is a sex toy that is simple and straightforward. Plug it in, turn it on and pulsate your way into ecstasy. It can accommodate varying body shapes, sizes and sexual styles. If you’re a person with a clitoris, it can give you direct stimulation that you’ll feel all the way around your clitoral hood and your vulva. If you have testicles, it can be used to stimulate the sensitive nerve endings on a low setting, and really rock your world on a high setting.
It is easy to clean (you can put a condom over the head before you use it), easy to use, and doesn’t look like an intimidating sex toy. When you’re undulating in jubilation, please make sure that you are still using lube. All grown-ass people, regardless of gender, need to embrace lubricants. It will help external stimulation feel better by creating less friction. In cases of sexual pleasure, wetter is better!
A commonly associated downside to adding toys into your sex life with a partner can be the stigmas people have about what bringing toys into sex means for a relationship–that the other person isn’t good enough at sex. This misconception isn’t really even about the relationship–it’s about your partner’s lack of self-confidence.
One of the biggest benefits to using toys is the ability to explore the far reaches of pleasure with your partner. Some folks have a difficult time achieving orgasm with a partner (or even alone), so taking some of the pressure off your sexual encounter by making it a mutual experience instead of a goal-oriented activity can help you to relax and enjoy yourself. Orgasms differ from person to person and no two orgasms feel the same.
Toys can add excitement and adventure to sex, but they can also be a great way to help break down the notion that sex toys are a replacement for human connection. I don’t think anyone has ever gotten dumped for a vibrator. But my Magic Wand could be considered one of my secondary partners.
Right now, a lot of shit is uncertain and upside down. Will we all die in the dust of a nuclear mushroom cloud? Is Civil War 2.0 around the corner? Is “The Purge” the answer to end all this god-awful political bullshit? Let’s focus on honoring our right to pleasure while we still can. Maybe all these orgasms will give us super strength.
Got a question about how to reclaim your right to pleasure, get your partner to try new things in the bedroom, or just stuck in the same old sex & love rut? Email Kenna at kennac.se@gmail and have your question featured in next month’s Sex & the River City column.